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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Kate's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, March 17th, 2006 | | 12:03 am |
Weird.
My template is all goofy and weird. | | Monday, January 31st, 2005 | | 12:56 am |
Dang!
Sounds like I missed a good party and some fucked up after-party people. Hmmmmmmm well I wasn't into driving down there alone and not knowing the area and was sort of busy so I didn't go. I missed seeing Karen and MJ. : ( | | Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 | | 2:23 pm |
Movies
I way caught up on my movies this weekend: Million Dollar Baby Sideways Collateral Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I liked all of them though your milage may vary. I'm open minded and enjoy a wide variety of styles and subject matter (just like my taste in music) so there is a lot of movies I like, though, there are a lot of movies I don't care for...stupid dumb movies top that list. I went with a date to see Anchorman (Will Farrel)...OMG that just wasn't even funny, it was retarded. The Oscars will be here soon, I like to have seen the major players by then. I still need to see Closer, though the Son won't go to that (insert barfing motions anytime a movie with any romance is mentioned). I'll probably see that alone. I do a lot of things alone, oh well, I'm not going to skip something just because I don't have anyone to go with. | | Tuesday, January 11th, 2005 | | 1:46 pm |
From last Saturday
I have a feeling that it will be dead but I'm going anyway. I'm supposed to meet my friend John there, well that was the plan earlier in the week so I don't want him to show up and have me not be there. Speaking of John, last time I was at Chi's and we were at the bar talking, this weirdo chick comes up to him and says "how old are you?". As if we aren't engaged in conversation. And then goes on and on about how her and her friends were trying to figure out his age. Okay it doesn't sound that bad when I'm retelling it but it was so obnoxious. I don't know who she is, she was drunk on her ass at the first Abundance at Eli's...that's all I know. God she was annoying. Some people have no clue. I didn't work today because I worked my ass off all week and made $100 more than my weekly goal so I figured I could slack today. Not that I slacked, I went to Costco, then fruit and veggie stand, and then QFC. We came home from all that shopping and I packed some stuff with my new cool FoodSaver machine...then we made 4 batches of lasagna, one for dinner and three for the freezer. Being from Chicago, all prepared frozen lasagna is substandard, I have to make my own or it's not very good tasting to me. There is a lot of bland food out here on the west coast. Of course you might not notice it if you never had the real thing loaded with real Italian sausage and lots of garlic. Yum! Now I'm getting all purtied up to go out where I know it's going to be dead as hell...and Deb isn't even going now. *pout*. LOL It's okay if it's really awful I can leave and if John shows up it's okay because we always have really fun conversations and people watching. | | Wednesday, July 14th, 2004 | | 10:41 am |
Spontaneous Phone Sex?
This newly single cute guy rang me up the other day and somehow we had spontaneous phone sex! How funny is that? Oh and it was goooooood! I love when you get them so hot and bothered that they can barely talk. | | Monday, April 19th, 2004 | | 5:37 pm |
Is it totally hopeless?
I have been thinking a lot about my single state lately and the more I think about it the more hopeless it becomes. I can't get past the first date with anyone, I can't even get a first "real" date with some of them and it seems like the majority of guys are just blowing smoke and have no real intention of entering into any kind of dating relationship let alone work towards something more serious. First we have all the guys I have had dates with, none of them worked out in any way shape or form. They lead me on, they say they want another date, yet it never ever happens. Then we have the guys that I see when I'm out, they flirt, the seem really interested but they never get off their asses and arrange a date with me. Is it because I won't fuck them at first glance? I'm not sure, maybe the other women are giving it away and it's not worth the bother to actually get to know someone? I don't get it, not at all. Then if you do get a guy, they might be on the 'downlow' or like Holly's recent entry they are just telling you what you want to hear so they can get something from you, sex, money, whatever. What ever happened to mutual sharing for both people's benefit. Seems to me like the majority of men lie, cheat, manipulate and have no intention of ever being real or someone you could count on. I'm too old to go through all that and I'm damn sure not going to again. Are there any single, honest, up front, smart, funny, REAL MEN out there? If so I'm not finding them, all of the ones I'm coming across are duds that have no clue how to treat or relate to women. What is up with this? Current Mood:  confused | | Sunday, March 21st, 2004 | | 1:07 am |
Get out of my way...
I would like to say to those doing battle with the Abundance folks, I'm here to have have fun so get out of my way 'cause it's all about the party. Current Mood:  determined | | Monday, March 15th, 2004 | | 8:16 pm |
| | Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004 | | 7:46 pm |
Got a life?
Well do you? Some people have nothing better to do but gossip, spread rumors, and pry into stuff that is none of their business. Such is the case here. There has been more than one occasion that people I have NOT INVITED have come here and either read or read and commented on my journal. If your ass wasn't invited to read my journal then take a hike and go start your own journal or attend to your pathetic life, if you even have one. The majority of my entries have been made friends only, soon it will be moved and the location made known only to people of my choosing. I can't believe how rude and annoying some of you people are. I'm seriously disappointed in people I thought were okay...you obviously aren't and I know who you are. Current Mood:  disappointed | | Thursday, December 11th, 2003 | | 1:50 pm |
I am a social flop
My problem has a name, social anxiety disorder. It's a real thing and not something that can be overcome by "getting out there and being brave". Most people do not understand and I really have no clue how to express how horrible I feel in social situations, like I want to crawl out of my skin. The Zoloft sites defines it as follows: ---------------------------------------- ----------- Social anxiety disorder is a real medical condition. It affects over 16 million Americans. If you have social anxiety disorder, you often get very nervous around other people. It feels like everyone is watching you and judging you. Your afraid of making a mistake, or looking like a fool. You will do all you can to keep that from happening. You may even avoid certain people, places or social events. Social anxiety disorder is a serious illness. It can cause real problems in your life. Like any health condition, it needs to be treated. Social anxiety disorder can make you fear or avoid: Meeting new people Talking to your boss�or anyone in charge Speaking in front of groups Drawing any attention to yourself If you have to do these kinds of things, you may: Blush Sweat Tremble Have a fast heartbeat ---------------------------------------- ----------- That pretty much sums it up and not a thing I can do about but go on anti-depressants which is out due to the side effects and cost (I have no insurance). So it's difficult since I mostly have avoided, at all cost, any social situation and working at home has made this a lot easier. I am trying to be more social because not having many friends or dates sucks too. Sigh, what a bother it is to be me. Most people would never guess I am shy or whatever, because I hide it well, I seem outgoing and talk to those I know but to strange groups or people it's like torment to try to talk to them. Going out last Saturday was good, I had a fun time and my friend Holly was the perfect partner in crime...however, when we walked in I saw one of the Moderators of the BBW groups I am in and made an effort to say hi to her...well she was less than friendly back and seems very uninterested in meeting me. That's the kind of thing that just sets my disorder off. I feel like I never should have taken the risk to say something and it really put me off of trying to meet people for the rest of the night. Anyway that's what I'm thinking about today...which sort of leads to the next part. I feel really disconnected to my community online. I used to be involved with a bunch of other cam girls and that has pretty much fallen to the wayside. I have tried to keep in contact but it doesn't seem to take. Conversations drop off except with a few, for which I am grateful for. One girl that I used to be really tight friends with, Mindee, just stopped talking to me all together. We used to talk several times a day, everyday and the then suddenly nothing. Now I understand that she is involved in other things now that keep her busy but I have messaged her and emailed her thousands of times, I have posted messages on boards that I know she reads and nothing it just feels really bad that she totally cut me off without a word of why. I don't get it at all and I guess I must have done something wrong but it's been about 9 months or more and not a word back from her on what I could have done to piss her off. I even traveled thousand of miles to visit her so it's not like we were only online friends. I don't know, I feel freakish about it. I am trying to let it go but it nags me. I wish she would just tell me why she doesn't ever want to talk to me again as that would be much better than no answer at all. On the other hand, I keep trying to involve myself with these BBW groups and people but I don't seem to be going over well (again the disorder is skewing things again I'm sure). I made a suggestion that there should be a way of identifying single people and most said that you need to just walk up to folks and find out and have the guts to do that. Ugh, well first I would have to find someone interesting looking to me and then get the guts to go up to them and then after all that if I find out they are married or involved...what a waste of energy. People do not understand and sometimes I just feel so unsupported. Current Mood:  uncomfortable | | Monday, December 8th, 2003 | | 3:20 pm |
A night of fun with Ms Holly
Ugh, okay I have avoided updating this thing because I forgot how to put photos in LJ cuts and links to other journals and stuff. Holly, help! This is our pic, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) dividedsouls and I out having fun. dividedsouls has posted a great account of our evening... Current Mood: confused | | Friday, November 28th, 2003 | | 11:50 pm |
I...
...need to update this beast! Soon...and I have photos but I need to crop them and size them for human consumption! Current Mood:  pessimistic | | Saturday, November 1st, 2003 | | 10:44 am |
| | Friday, October 31st, 2003 | | 3:41 pm |
Happy Spooky Day!
Okay so I didn't do anything really halloween like yet today. But I am online and dresses as an evil Mistress since one viewer asked me to dress up really fancy, I just figured this would be better than nothing. Plus it's a dress I haven't worn for a really long time on cam and it always gets rave reviews. Also, it's very cold today so bets hanging out in my undies. I made four batches of lasagna and am freezing three of them so I'll have easy dinners to pull out when I'm working. I also made some roasted garlic to smear on some bread that I whipped up in the bread machine yesteday. Where does the time go? I worked out today as well, nothing really exciting, as usual, in my life. A pic for the curious, sans vampire teeth.  Current Mood:  devious | | Tuesday, October 28th, 2003 | | 9:00 pm |
What a day
So busy today and I didn't even get to work. But here are our pumpkins we just carved. I always make what my Son calls the "dork pumpkin". lol  | | Monday, October 27th, 2003 | | 3:48 pm |
Monday, Monday...
Went to work out today, that was good, not too crowded and felt really well afterward which is always a bonus. Now I'm just online working and it's S-L-O-W ugh...so hard to keep motivated when it's this way but I can only try. ( Boring stuff about making a wreath ) Current Mood:  accomplished | | Sunday, October 26th, 2003 | | 10:05 am |
Usual Sunday at Mom's
The time change has me up early. It's too early to go work out as they don't open for another hour and I'd rather get my day started than wait for Curves to open. I'm going to my Mom's as usual and we are going to get some matting she ordered for a picture and then decide what color frame works best with it. I am her official personal shopper. Then we are probably going to go see Mystic River and most likely out to eat dinner, then back to her house which means I'll be gone all day. I do have a lot of fun with her and it's great to be around her but I do miss having my one day off to myself and getting something done at my house. What can you do? I think I need a clone. I also need to make some time when I come home to do some training with Tyler. His next class is coming up again on Tuesday and the woman teaching the class is pretty much a Nazi about it. I really enjoyed the last trainer which we took Maggie to, but this lady has an irritating style of yelling at you and almost mocking you when you do something the wrong way, and stares you down when you have to demonstrate how good your dog learned what they were supposed to learn that week. So I have to really get on that. It's not so easy when you have three dogs here, as you have to lock the other ones away so Tyler does not have any distractions and the other ones are whining and crying because they are not getting to do whatever it is they think he is doing. Also this lady trains with treats which I always heard you are not supposed to do so there is all that yummy speical treat smell. The joy of it all. Current Mood:  awake | | 9:35 am |
LJ Cut
God I can ramble. I guess there is this thing called LJ cut, which I have seen in other journals, where you can mention something but the bulk of your rambling is not on the main page, just a link to it. I assume this is so your friends don't have a huge word filled ramble on there journals from your journal. Or is it? Anyone care to enlighten a newbie? I don't do some stupid newbie thing like clog up my friends journals. | | Saturday, October 25th, 2003 | | 10:18 pm |
Perfect Fall Day!
Today was better. My Son and I did some errands and it involved a lot of driving which was great because everything was so pretty today. The leaves, the sun, the mountains, just gorgeous! I was trying to find some large sliver chain for these necklaces I'm making but it was $24 a foot. Ummmm no I need about 16" for each one and that's insane. So I'm trying to find some on the Internet but I really like being able to check it out in person to make sure it's what I need. Oh well I'm sure I'll figure out something. And then we went and had yummy BBQ and washed the car. Once we got home I talked my Son into helping me rake up some leaves in front of the house and it was actually fun since it seems like the perfect Fall chore. Several people in the neighborhood commented that they should be doing that too. hehehe. Then something weird happened. There is this box behind my neighbor's fence in the alley. I have been eying it for a few weeks now. We had some really hard rain and it made the box split and you could see a bunch of plates and random kitchen items fall out of it. I have seen some of my other neighbors looking through it but never went over there myself. Today while driving by it to our parking space in the back, I notice something I have been trying to find forever, really small tiny ice cube trays. Okay I know that's a weird thing to want but I have this vintage ice crusher and it would be perfect for that to make martinis which I like to do from time to time. I am a big time scrounger. I zoom in on these ice cube trays and then I notice some broken eggs in the box and then some grocery store wrapped pieces of meat, I think it was meat and then I stopped looking lost all interest in swiping free itty bitty ice cube trays. Ewwwwwwwww I saw the neighbor and said, "do you know you have a huge gross box with dishes and food rotting behind your fence?" She said, "yeah I talked to Mike (our other neighbor) and it's not his and it's not mine, someone dumped it there and I was on hold for an hour with the garbage people about what to do about it and then I had to hang up so I dunno." Okay that explains that. You see someone moved out about 3 weeks ago and then the next day or two someone spray painted "BITCH" on her fence and then the box shows up so I didn't know if that was all related or what. It still could be. Can you tell I never go anywhere? I am the hawk of the neighborhood. Most of my viewers think I live a really exciting sexual life filled with dates and fucking and sucking non-stop. Yep if they only knew. | | Friday, October 24th, 2003 | | 11:37 am |
In shock!
My Ex is a selfish arrogant bitch. Some background, even though we have been broken up for years, we still share a dog, and I was trying to be friends with her for a while because she lives near by and I really don't socialize that much. Her birthday was last Feb, and she's a total needy Princess about her birthday (which she is about most everything else). Since I had time and ability, I said "let's throw a birthday party for you!". Thus giving the princess what she most wants..the spotlight. I thought, this should smooth things over with us (not that they had been rough but still). She invited all of her nutty friends (well friends at the time, as she goes through them once they figure out how wacky she is) and my Son and I did all the shopping for a sit down dinner for 20. We cooked for 2 days and my Son helped haul tables and stuff over for the party which he didn't attend. I donated liquor and even got a thoughtful present. A Cosmo Martini kit with pink sugar and recepies and everything. She had a great time and of course got way to drunk and made a fool of herself but that seems be her favorite hobby. Anyway, flash forward to my birthday this month and what does she do? Does she send a present? Maybe take me out to dinner? Maybe a card? Or even a phone call? NO! Nothing not one thing. Now I'm not a tit for tat birthday person but I expected some acknowledgment of my day from her after all that I did. Days pass and I call her about something and I mention my birthday. She says "oh, I was thinking about calling you..." So I explain to her that she is really lame. She laughs and says "yeah I'm lame", Which to me is what really lame people do. As if everyone knows they are lame so when they do lame things they are totally off the hook because what did you expect. Yep. Now we have not been hanging out for most of this year due to the fact that she is really LAME. I started working out and she seemed interested in joining in on that. I thought, "yeah that would be good because we can spend 30 min a week catching up and then go our separate ways". Since she could probably only do it with me once a week...in any event I was happy to have someone to go with since I go by myself all the time. I spend hours taking her shopping to get the perfect work out clothes and shoes and then she goes 3 times, lies about going other times, and then after I call her ass weekly to set it up, says "I guess I should just tell you I don't want to go". Thanks, lameass. Then about a month ago, her car is stolen and she calls me to take her to the grocery store. I show up and while I'm there the cops call, they found her car and I end up taking her down there, buying gas, giving her $10 to pay the tow guy since she was short and we go to lunch, does she buy? NO, she claims it's my turn. So now I'm out the money I could have made working instead of hauling her around, out the gas money, out the $10 and now buying her lunch. Today she calls about our dog who was over there, Phoebe. She took her to the vet for a check up...so I say "when you drop her off come in because there is mail for you and you never come in and say "hi" which we think is weird." She starts off saying she doesn't come in because she doesn't really like me and she should just tell me that now. She doesn't like me because I'm always putting her down and saying she is stupid, etc. I'm thinking what is this nut talking about? I have been nothing but encouraging and nice to her, going out of my way, WAY out of my way for her birthday, trying to get her motivated for working out, helping her with her car, and so on. Yes sometimes she drives me crazy with her self involved crap but I just kept it to myself since I don't have to deal with her that often and she's mentally unstable, on meds, in therapy and I feel bad for her and try to help her the best I can. So anyway I got off the track here with the background story. After she says how she doesn't like me because I'm not a good friend, I let her know well I wasn't really feeling the love from her either this year after the birthday thing and then her not doing a thing for mine...and she says, get this, "Oh well I didn't feel the need to reciprocate for your birthday in anyway since that was the only nice thing you ever did for me!". Oh yes that was the only nice thing I ever did for her. This entry would be a mile long if I listed all the nice things I did for her, including driving her to the hospital and sitting there with her on the first day I bought my own car, my own FIRST car, because she ran out of meds and didn't tell anyone and then was suicidal. From then she goes to the mental institution for a month, which is far from our house and drive there several times a week to bring her things and visit while still holding down the business were were running. Yep I'm a bitch that never did anything nice for her. UNREAL! Current Mood:  aggravated |
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